doctor who - 12

Youth is wasted on the young

Haven't been on here in several years and looking back at my old entries makes me cringe. I've changed a lot as a person and amazingly (as it seems to me) I feel like i've matured a lot too.
eternal sunshine

We stay too long in the same old sickly skin

This darkness is closing in and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I can not see any future for me. I have nothing. I have no one. I am not living, I am barely existing. What point is there in just taking up space? I can't keep working jobs I hate, can't muster up any enthusiasm for school, can't stand just lying around the house doing nothing. I don't see this pain ever going away. I am tired. I am weary. I fear soon the darkness will consume me completely.
eternal sunshine

(no subject)

"Slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearable.

That's the thing I want to make clear about depression: It's got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal - unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature's part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead."

-Elizabeth Wurtzel "Prozac Nation"
rdj

I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing.

Depression is hard. Duh, of course. Part of what makes it so hard is that most people don't understand. They ask you, why are you sad? I wish I knew is my answer. It's the truth but it almost seems like it makes people angry. If you're life isn't a tale of woe and trauma they think you have no reason to be sad. So mostly I pretend to be okay. Pretending to be okay is tiring. I'm really not good at it either. Unfortunately people don't want to hear about your sadness. Even people who want to help will soon tire of hearing you complain. It's easier to isolate yourself. I spent the last year and a half trying to be normal. Have a job, have a boyfriend, keep my shit together. But in July I broke, I couldn't do it anymore. It hasn't been this bad in a long time and maybe it's because I've been keeping up this act of normalcy for so long I don't have the energy for it anymore. I just want to shut out the world so I can have time to get the strength to pretend back.
rdj

I wrote fanfic. Wait, what?

Title: It Just May Be a Lunatic You're Looking For
Author: fangirl1981
Rating: PG
Pairings: Shawn/Lassiter
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I'm just borrowing them.
Summary: There is no plot here. It's just a little something that popped into my head and begged to be posted.Takes place in some earlier part of the series before Shawn dated Juliet.
Note: So I have never written Psych fanfic before and I haven't written any fanfic in forever. Totally un-betaed. Consider yourself warned I guess. The title comes from the Billy Joel song "You May Be Right" which I think is the ultimate Shawn/Lassiter song.

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rdj

(no subject)

"And I will fall a hundred stories
And open up my hand
And scatter all my dreams of glory
Like seeds upon the land

And I'll join the league of failures
I bet that I'll be glad
To fall a hundred stories
And I'll have peace at last"
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
rdj

I am a bottomless pit of fail

Moving out was a huge mistake. I'm lonely and miserable and stuck here. I mean I was depressed before but now I'm all alone and depressed. I miss my family and my other cats. (I feel like I've done a huge disservice to Alec making him stay here with me since I'm such a mess) Slept till after 2 p.m. today cause I just couldn't face getting out of bed and dealing with my pointless existence. I don't know what happened to me. I used to be able to enjoy things. I wasn't extremely fulfilled and ecstatically happy but I wasn't miserable all the time. I used to get up in the morning and look forward to things, now I just dread going through another day. I don't know. I wish I knew how to fix this but I don't.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
rdj

(no subject)

I don't get people. I don't know how to deal with them and I'm not sure I even want to try anymore.
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated